What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 02:50
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What is it like to date a women 20 years younger than yourself?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
This is soul school!.
What are some ballbusting stories?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was very sick at this time too.
What did i know ?
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But, we were locked up after school.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Ive learnt so much.
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As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why does a college girl cover her face with a scarf in Bangalore?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What is it like to use a Fleshlight?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But it wasn’t much.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Is the saying "nice guys finish last" true? Can good intentions always lead to positive outcomes?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And i lived it daily.
I couldn’t, believe it.
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She married twice! .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im still living with it.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What are the withdrawal symptoms of Klonopin 1mg?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I have no regrets .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Who then, do I blame.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She found it foreign!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was seconnd youngest,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When she asked me how she looked .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One cannot live in the past .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She wouldn,t have been !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It was going to be , some day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My life is so biszare .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We were not on the streets..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We all went to grammer schools
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I write beautiful poetry .
Would this be the day?
So whats the point in blame.
All the time i was locked up.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She was in good health!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
(And it was in our own minds.)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He knew the spot.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My family never makes their pension either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was scared of men, in general
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I don,t even have a pension.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was 9 years of age.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I waited trembling.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Was to survive, this bastard.